Monday, December 29, 2008
My apologies for the lack of posts over the past week and a half to anyone who's actually checking out my little blog. I've just been caught up in all of the activities of the holiday season. Here's hoping everyone had a very Merry Christmas. Nothing much new to report . . . no Christmas miracle for BF and I . . . now approaching sexless month six. Sigh. Doesn't help that Austin is so damn full of hot guys.
BF & I were at Dirty Martin's on the drag the Saturday before Christmas enjoying a burger out on the patio when there was a commotion on the other side of the fence. Not exactly sure what was going on, but it looked like some homeless man was drunk or high and passed out right there. Anyway, a team of extremely hot EMT workers quickly arrived on a fire truck to help out . . . woah. These guys were a pin-up calendar waiting to happen. Let me tell you. We lingered around even after we were done eating to continue checking out the hotties. I also enjoyed some hotness at a housewarming/Dallas Cowboys viewing party yesterday. Most of the crowd were just so-so, but there was one dude there that was just yummo. He's straight and divorced from what I gather . . . but totally my type besides that. :-) Loved his style.
Anyway . . . just been enjoying the traditional holiday activities too. We made it out to the Austin Trail of Lights a few times . . . it's within walking distance of our place, so it was really nice not to have to worry about parking or taking the shuttles from downtown. We ended up spending Christmas with BF's family as all of mine are back in Florida. Went to a candle-light Christmas Eve service with his mom which was really nice . . . as was the Christmas dinner the next day courtesy of his mom and one of his aunts. We were completely whooped when we got home Christmas night and were passed out in bed before 10:00 . . . lame! I haven't been to bed that early in ages.
We had a quiet weekend after Christmas . . . checked out a new church yesterday. It was ok, but I still think we can find something we'll both enjoy more. No big plans for New Years later this week. We will probably go to a cocktail party being thrown by one of DF's co-workers early in the evening, and then check out what's going on downtown later. Most of the bars here charge huge covers on New Year's Eve . . . and neither Oil Can Harry's or Rain are worth the expense in our opinion, so not sure where we will end up. Neither one of us are big party animals . . . so we'll see. Hope all of you reading have a great New Years . . . have fun and be safe!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Last night BF and I needed to hit up HEB for some groceries, so we decided to stop off @ the Freebirds on SoCo on the way. Damn if there weren't some hot guys in there. There were three hotties at a table already when we arrived. One of them was absolutely gorgeous . . . model good looks. Such a beautiful face. The place continued to fill up with other hotties . . . frat boys from what I could guess . . . all totally my type. Unfortunately, we had sat down where my back was to most of them, so I couldn't get a great view after they'd gone through the line for their food. Course, that might have been a good thing too. Not the best idea to be ogling other guys with BF sitting at the table with me . . . especially since it's been so long since we've had sex. Anyway, one of the guys . . . dark, Latin type . . . came in in a bulky sweatshirt which he removed at one point to reveal a tight white Nike tank top and some gorgeous sculpted arms. Woot. Definitely going to have to check out this Freebirds more often to see if this was a one time deal, or if it's a regular hottie haven.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Ok . . . so one of the reasons I started this blog was to get some of my personal feelings out there in the open . . . especially relationship matters. There are just some things that I don't care to discuss with BF, and I don't have any close personal friends of my own that aren't also friends of his. So . . . here goes. I love BF more than anything; I have no doubt that he is my soul mate. He's the best friend I've ever had. We have so much in common and have so much fun together. There's just one problem . . . and it's a pretty big one. Our physical relationship has gone kaput. We've not had sex in over 5 months now . . . and I have to admit that we've never really had a lot of sexual chemistry (at least not that I've felt) over the course of our relationship. There's really no good reason for this either . . . BF is a very cute guy who is a few years younger than myself; he's smart and witty; and, on paper at least, we're sexually compatible as far as the whole top/bottom thing. I should probably preface everything I'm saying with a little history.
BF and I met just over three years ago. We dated for about a month before we (mostly me I later found out) decided that we should just be friends. Our friendship continued to grow and deepen over the following two years and we were soon practically inseparable . . . spending nearly almost every waking, non-working moment together. We talked about virtually everything . . . including our random tricks, dates, etc. I'd be lying if I didn't say I noticed that BF seemed to get a bit jealous any time I talked about someone that I thought I might have a connection with, and it seemed that anytime I started seeing someone regularly, he started hooking up more than usual. I often wondered what the true extent of my feelings for BF were as well, but knowing that there was no true "passion" there, I always just let those feelings go. For whatever reason, it was easier to ignore those details and just focus on our incredible strictly platonic (if you don't count that one drunken birthday hook-up) friendship. Don't talk about it, and it might go away . . . you know? Just a little over one year ago, BF and I decided it only made sense that we should move in together and share living expenses since we were always at each other's places anyway. So we found a fantastic two bedroom apartment and combined our households. Neither one of us was dating anyone at the time, but we found occasional fun online, with previous "buds", or at the bars . . . he more so than me. BF began to get very inconsiderate with some of his hook-ups . . . coming in very late and being very loud, slamming doors, waking me up when I had to get up early the next day for work, bringing along a trick's drunk fag hag home with them whom I later found passed out on the couch, etc. It got to a point where it was really testing me, and I had a talk with him and he got very defensive . . . but in a sullen, quiet way if that makes sense. I should say that I was probably uber-sensitive at this time also due to stress at a job which I hated and have since left.
Anyway, things finally came to a head on the Saturday before Easter when I left work early planning to spend the afternoon with him . . . only to find him drunk at the pool with a guy he'd met online. I hung with them a bit, but was feeling like a third wheel, so I excused myself and returned to the apartment. They soon followed, and the uncomfortableness resumed. Since I was uncomfortable AND tired, I excused myself to my room to take a nap. BF and his friend continued being very loud (TV and conversation) to the point that I couldn't fall asleep, so I left to go to the apartment of a mutual friend who lives nearby where I could just chill. After a few hours, I returned home to find the apartment empty. BF had mentioned that he and his friend were probably going out to eat that evening, and then hit the clubs that night. Knowing that needed a good night's sleep, and fearing a repeat of past evenings, I called BF to request that if he and his friend were going to hook-up that evening that they go to the friend's place out of courtesy. Well, let's just say that after a day of beer at the pool, followed by several beers and some wine back in our apartment, followed by margaritas at dinner, BF was PLASTERED when I called to ask him this. He again got very defensive and said that he couldn't promise that and that he probably was going to bring this guy home no matter what I thought. We argued a bit, and then he started slurrily professing his love for me. How he'd always been in love with me, and how he hated seeing me date other guys, and that as why he was inconsiderate with his hook-ups, etc. I told him that I had feelings for him as well that I had never fully explored. Long story short, I went to pick him up where he was having dinner with his new friend (whom he left there), and we went home to talk about things . . . at least as much as we could since he was so drunk. We had a better talk the next morning, and decided to give it a go as a couple.
We didn't jump right into the physical intimacy, and the first couple of times we attempted it were not good. I was completely preoccupied with what we were doing and who I was doing it with, and I could not reach orgasm . . . something that's NEVER been a problem for me. Eventually, after a few more tries things got a little better, but I still couldn't help feeling like something was wrong . . . something was missing. So that was approximately 9 mos ago . . . and we haven't had sex for the last 5 mos or so . . . you can do the math. I know that part of the problem for me has been work-related stress . . . being stuck in a job that I absolutely hated and then giving notice and leaving 9 mos later after finally deciding I couldn't take it anymore . . . followed by nearly now 2 1/2 mos of unemployment. None of that has worked in favor of our relationship, but I know there's more. I just don't know what to do about it. I love BF like the brother I never had, but our sexual relationship (or lack thereof) is just not something I am able to talk about with him. He's ignoring the big white elephant in the room as well. Part of me says wait and see what happens once I am re-employed and back in a job that I enjoy which will hopefully relieve a lot of the stress I'm currently under . . . hoping that will translate to renewed interest in the bedroom . . . but another part of me says that's probably not going to help. I know I could go on Craigslist right now and find a guy that I could have plenty of fun with in the bedroom . . . stress be damned. The desire is still there . . . boy is it still there . . . but it's just not directed @ BF for whatever reason. Again . . . there's no reason that desire shouldn't be there. BF is a catch . . . any guy would be lucky to be with him. I don't think he would ever be content being "just friends" . . . even though that's really what we've reverted back to. The only real difference between us now that we're not having sex and before we started "the couple thing" is that we share a bed. I feel like I am in a lose/lose situation. I can't stand the thought of hurting BF, so I just don't know what to do. I honestly see myself with him for the rest of our lives, but I also don't see the passion and desire happening either. Are there other gay couples who don't have sex with each other? Do they have an open relationship and pursue others sexually on the side? Advice please.
Hope everyone had a great weekend. Mine was fine, though not very eventful. Woke up early on Saturday to take a friend to the bus station. Yeah, yeah . . . apparently people still take the bus. To make a long story short, this friend is doing a favor for a family member by bussing it down to Corpus Christi to drive a vehicle back to Austin for them. Anyway, BF and I had a great time teasing him about the bus, and how he better not fall asleep and all. The jokes continued once we got to the Greyhound station, where we waited around with him for a while. They had the craziest mural on the wall there . . . which you can see above. Just so many random elements there. The Latino Mary & Joseph in front of the Texas Capitol building . . . the Dia de los Muertos characters (one of whom looks like a drag queen) . . . and, of course, a greyhound bus thrown in too . . . so yeah. So we headed back to the apartment after the bus station, and we just chilled most of the day watching dvd's and chilling.
We slept in on Sunday morning . . . so much for our resolve to get back in church. We had planned on checking out the United Methodist church downtown, but just didn't have the energy yesterday. If anyone has a suggestion for a good, gay-friendly church in or near downtown, I'd love to hear it. We've already tried the church at Austin Music Hall and St. David's Episcopal. The AMH church was actually pretty good . . . just have mixed thoughts about having the sermon piped in on the big screen from their main church out in Bee Caves. St. David's is a beautiful church, with a very friendly congregation . . . but the service was way too traditional and dry for me. I had trouble keeping my eyes open during that service. Anyway, BF and I are determined to find a regular church, so we will continue to try out local churches as we have time. So, back to our actual Sunday. We slept in and lazed about the apartment for a bit. I made BF grits for the first time . . . he seemed to like them. Then we got dressed and headed out for a bit. First stop was The Buffalo Exchange on Guadalupe where I dropped off some old clothes and shoes. They didn't take much of my stuff, but they did buy a few of my things. I donated the rest to charity. Found a cute button-up vest while I was there too. We went to lunch at the Jack in the Box on the drag while in the area . . . had a good time watching all of the hot UT boys walking by through the window. :-) After lunch, we returned downtown and walked around the 2nd Street district for a while. Found a bed at Loft that I fell in love with. May seriously look into making a purchase after the new year once I am employed again. (Oh yeah, I am currently not working . . . LONG story there). We also browsed around the Lofty Dog store as we plan on buying a dog once I'm working again. That is going to be one spoiled dog. Let me tell you. Anyway, we went back home after our 2nd St. adventures and just had another chill night which ended with a double feature of the HOME ALONE movies. Definitely a low key weekend. Nice to have those from time to time.